I purposely am going to write this one and leave it for the weekend. Perhaps it will help some people have a better one. I have really never had an issue with self-confidence about most things. I suffered from an over-abundance of it if anything. That being said there are a few things that get me. I imagine everyone has at least one or two things that they are self-conscious about. My biggest one was easily how afraid I was of failure or “losing”. That led to a lifetime of stress and trying to control everything and out work everyone. The health and relationships I lost because of that insecurity have been well documented in my book and elsewhere. I finally got over that lack of self-confidence and improved my life and started living my dreams. I am hoping to help everyone else do the same. Especially some of my younger friends who are struggling so badly at adulting right now.
Let us begin at the beginning. This is all based on fear. How do you overcome fears? You confront them. In this circumstance, that means you need to work on your self-confidence and self-esteem. I was forced to work on it while laying in a hospital bed. That is what finally helped me overcome that fear. That also made me quit smoking…I don’t recommend it at all, try to find a better way. Surely deep down I still have all these fears, the difference being now I know I can beat them, that I will come through on the other side of that wall of fear with no ill effects. I have done it so often now that I have built the confidence that I know will lead to further successes.
How about you? Can you take control of your self-confidence? Will you take responsibility for your own self-esteem? If you are up for it, I firmly believe you can do many things to increase your self-confidence. Everything can be changed if you are willing. So let me outline some things that will help you improve your self-image. I am not going to give an all-encompassing list. You also don’t have to do all of them like a checklist in order to have success. Pick and choose some that you feel you can apply. If they work for you, great! If they don’t, choose others and keep trying. None of this is going to be new to you. I didn’t come up with some grand hidden plan. This is just common sense that isn’t so common anymore.
Groom yourself and dress nicely. It is stupidly, amazingly simple. When you have taken a little pride in yourself, you end up feeling better about yourself. Not exactly groundbreaking science here but is truth.
After that, get to know yourself. Start realizing how you speak to yourself internally. The Zen teacher in me wants to tell you that this is all ridiculous anyway and you should stop giving your thoughts a second thought. They are just thoughts after all. But for this purpose, if you can’t stop all the hornet’s nest of self-talk at least stop the negative versions of it. We say horrible things about and too ourselves. This is where our negative self-conscious issues are born. Be nice to yourself. Learn to think more positively. Start throwing away the limitations you have placed on yourself that aren’t valid. Once you have started this battle internally, you will instantly come out as a better person with greater self- confidence. Once again, I feel like I type this every post, be kind and help others. It will help you feel better about yourself and that builds self-confidence. Keep yourself prepared. If you feel you aren’t good at something take extra time to prepare yourself to be better at it. This increases your confidence in any life task you have to tackle. After you tackle a few, your self-talk and self-esteem will improve greatly.
Try to build your life around a set of principles that you stand by. Then live them. Without this your life will feel directionless. I am not going to put any more parameters on this one. This is dangerously close to speaking about religion to some people. I have no desire to step into that pile of poo. I will leave it at this; These are YOUR principles. No one else’s. Don’t force them on anyone or expect anyone other than you to live up to them.
Adjust your posture, learn to stand and walk with more authority and/or peace. Speak slower, this gives the illusion of authority. These are all of “fake it till ya make it” deals. Ooze confidence until you have it. It at least gives the appearance of being self-confident which will, in turn, give you self-confidence.
Smile more, exercise more, be more grateful for what you have. All are positive , rewarding activities that lead to a higher self-value. Be more active, do things, work on small things to improve yourself. Read blogs. Study and empower yourself with knowledge. Get little pieces of your life managed and clean and organized and under your control.
After you have applied some of these start attacking some of these fears. Do some things you are afraid of. Stop procrastinating and just do them. One or two successes will increase you more than a thousand failures can drag you down. Get out there. Ask someone out. Laugh to yourself when they say no. Enjoy the thrill when they say yes. Demand that you are treated better. Learn your true self-worth, increase it, and guard it. Be who you want to be. Chase your dreams. As trite as this all sounds, the reason you have seen and heard this through so many self-help outlets and religions is because it is simple truth.
This is your life. You choose what you do with it, what you tolerate in it, and how you react to it.
What you are afraid to be ends up owning you and stealing your spirit. What’s worse is that it will steal your time as well. This all hearkens back to a very popular post I wrote about how to stop hating yourself. Read back over it as well. If these two post don’t get through to you, then nothing will. It is totally up to you to stop throwing up road blocks to life. For it never stops at your roadblocks, it just flows around you and leaves you behind. As always feel free to hit me up with any questions as a reply or on any of the social media buttons on the right of this page. If I have helped you, please share. And please don’t forget to donate.
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